‘Love Is Resignation'

I was a good kid
So I don't know what I did
To make you hate me –
No doubt you can justify it
What crime did I commit
That warranted ‘childhood discipline'
Of such conviction?
Well, now I'm finding it hard to live

‘Memories Of 1979' –
Memories of Spangles, white dogshit and all the staples of the rewind
Memories of ‘Cars';
Of killer videos; dead radio stars;
Of a bloody nose and two black eyes before breakfast time

Well, I would love to reminisce
But the most vivid bygone image is of a sepia-toned fist
Despite being evil incarnate visited
On your life, I meant no harm; I had no concept of malice

I was a good kid
So I don't know what I did
To make you hate me –
No doubt you can justify it
What crime did I commit
That warranted ‘childhood discipline'
Of such conviction?
Well, now I'm finding it hard to live

‘I Love 1983' –
I love ‘Pac-Man', Deely boppers and all the things I didn't in reality
I love ‘Billie Jean'; ‘True';
‘Baby Jane'; ‘Only You';
Being kicked on the floor, in the head, repeatedly

So any potentially fond recollection
Is quickly shafted by the ghosts of cruelty and rejection
My most successful career direction
Was as professional victim moonlighting in depression

I was a good kid
So I don't know what I did
To make you hate me –
No doubt you can justify it
What crime did I commit
That warranted ‘childhood discipline'
Of such conviction?
Well, now I'm finding it hard to live

They say: “it's best
To forgive and forget”
But positive vibes
Won't help me from this bed
They say: “accept it” –
Why is it that this
Objectivity
Seems so keen to clean your shit?

I have tried hard
To embrace the past
Countless times, and each
Defeat has become a scar
And of the above -
If it's true that love
Is resignation
Then it's something I'm not capable of

Fuck, I admit it
I know exactly what I did
To make you hate me –
I just happened to exist.

 

© M.A.Tovey 2006